I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
