Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
