You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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