So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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