I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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