Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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