we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
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Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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