you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
