my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
