so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the liver wants what the liver wants
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
