i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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