I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
