Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
