well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
