dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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