We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
