Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
