Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
