she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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