Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
