The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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