It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
