Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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