my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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