so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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