My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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