Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize