I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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