Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am midnight drunk by noon
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
