I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
