you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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