thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
