nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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