He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
