return my video game
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
