I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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