i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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