I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
