Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
