Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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