We're facebook friends in real life
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
