and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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