Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
