I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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