dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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