I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
