I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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