Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
