I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
