I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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