dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
