I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
