If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
