new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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