I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
