Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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