Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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