I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
