i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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