Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
