He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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