census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
