my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
