How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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