did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
