went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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