Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
