"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
