I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
