god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize