Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
