god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
