is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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