yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
