So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
