I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
