Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
