honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
