Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
