Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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