Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
